Bhaktivinod Thakur. Amar Jivan. Aparadhi nirantara - I am a constant offender
http://vaishnavsongs.iskcondesiretree.com/amar-jivan/ Bhaktivinod Thakur has written this song “Amar Jivan”. This song is taken from the book Saranagati (Section: Dainya Song 4). Bhaktivinoda Thakura said that material people are described as vicious, sinful, greedy, lazy, keeping false pride, lusty. Our sinful activities are never ending. We don’t realize our sinful and egoistic activities. Having enjoyed all sense gratification activities we are devoid of spiritual bliss. In old age when death is near we have no body strength we remember Sri Krishna. (1) amara jivana, sada pape rata, nahiko punyera lesha parere udvega, diyachi ye koto, diyachi jivere klesa (2) nija sukha lagi’, pape nahi dori, daya-hina svartha-paro para-sukhe duhkhi, sada mithya-bhashi, para-duhkha sukha-karo (3) asesha kamana, hridi majhe mora, krodhi, dambha-parayana mada-matta sada, vishaye mohita, himsa-garva vibhushana (4) nidralasya hata, sukarye virata, akarye udyogi ami pratishtha lagiya, sathya-acarana, lobha-hata sada kami (5) e heno durjana, saj-jana-varjita, aparadhi nirantara subha-karya-sunya, sadanartha-manah, nana duhkhe jara jara (6) bardhakye ekhona, upaya-vihina, ta’te dina akincana bhakativinoda, prabhura carane, kore duhkha nivedana 1) I am an impious sinner and have caused others great anxiety and trouble. 2) I have never hesitated to perform sinful acts for my own enjoyment. Devoid of all compassion, concerned only with my own selfish interests, I am remorseful seeing others happy. I am a perpetual liar, and the misery of others is a source of great pleasure for me. 3) The material desires within the core of my heart are unlimited. I am wrathful, devoted to false pride and arrogance, intoxicated by vanity, and bewildered by worldly affairs. Envy and egotism are the ornaments I wear. 4) Ruined by laziness and sleep, I resist all pious deeds; yet I am very active and enthusiastic to perfrom wicked acts. For worldly fame and reputation I engage in the practice of deceitfulness. Thus I am destroyed by my own greed and am always lustful. 5) A vile, wicked man such as this, rejected by godly people, is a constant offender. I am such a person, devoid of all good works, forever inclined toward evil, worn out and wasted by various miseries. 6) Now in old age, deprived of all means of success, humbled and poor, Bhaktivinoda submits his tale of grief at the feet of the Supreme Lord. Purport by His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada Amara jivana sada pape rata nahiko punyera lesha. This is a song sung by Bhaktivinoda Thakura in Vaishnava humbleness. A Vaishnava is always meek and humble. So he is describing the life of the people in general, taking himself to be one of them. He says that “My life is always engaged in sinful activities, and if you try to find out, you will not find even a trace of pious activities—only sinful activities.” And parere udvega, diyachi ye koto, diyachi jivere klesa: “I am always inclined to give trouble to other living entities. That is my business. I want to see that others are suffering, and then I enjoy.” Nija sukha lagi’, pape nahi dori: “For my personal sense gratification, I accept any kind of sinful activity.” Daya-hina svartha-paro: “I am not at all merciful, and I see only to my personal interest.” Para-sukhe duhkhi, sada mithya-bhashi: “As such, when others are suffering I become very happy, and I am always speaking lies. Even for ordinary tbings I am accustomed to speaking lies.” Para-duhkha sukha-karo: “And if someone is suffering, that is very pleasant to me.” Asesha kamana, hridi majhe mora: “I have got lots of desires within my heart, and I am always angry and falsely prestigious, always puffed up with false pride.” Mada-matta sada vishaye mohita: “I am captivated by subject matters of sense gratification, and I am almost crazy.” Himsa-garva vibhushana: “My ornaments are enviousness and false pride.” Nidralasya hata, sukarye virata: “I am conquered by sleep and laziness, and I am always averse to pious activities.” Akarye udyogi ami: “And I am very enthusiastic to perform impious activities.” Pratishtha lagiya sathya-acarana: “I always cheat others for my prestige.” Lobha-hata sada kami: “I am conquered by greediness and always lusty.” E heno durjana saj-jana-varjita: “I am so fallen, and I have no association with devotees.” Aparadhi nirantara: “I am an offender always.” Subha-karya-sunya: “In my life there is not a bit of auspicious activity”; sadanartha manah: “and my mind is always attracted by something mischievous.” Nana duhkhe jara jara: “Therefore, at the fag end of my life I am almost invalid by all such sufferings.” Bardhakye ekhona upaya-vihina: “Now in my old age I have no alternative”; ta’te dina akincana: “therefore by force I have now become very humble and meek.” Bhakativinoda prabhura carane, kore duhkha nivedana: “Thus Bhaktivinoda Thakura is offering his sad statement of his life’s activities at the lotus feet of the Supreme Lord."